True Story.

One of my original goals in beginning this blog, was to raise awareness of the disease of Pulmonary Hypertension and some of what life is like in fighting this disease. I'm finding ways to share stories that I wouldn't share with you over coffee: I'm exposing my vulnerabilities; my kryptonite, if you will.

Syncopal events, simply stated are when you lose consciousness. It is a scary thing to happen. I, unfortunately, have experienced too many syncopal events starting with the first one on my 55th birthday.

That first one was scary. The subsequent ones scary too. This last one, yesterday, was terrifying.

"Syncopal events are when pulmonary hypertension patients die," I have heard this over and over, ad nauseum from Dr. P. - his way of convincing me to do my best to avoid them - which I do. But last night, I was blindsided by one. Physically, I know what happens during these events. First. My heart stops beating and I lose consciousness. I stop breathing. Twenty to sixty seconds later, my heart starts up, I start breathing and 'coming to': dripping in sweat and trembling all over. You would be too had you just died and came back. Sometimes PH patients don't come back.

We made it home just fine. I was feeling a bit weak and I needed to go up 4 stairs to get into the house. I never dreamed it would be such a difficult journey. I remember struggling up two steps and asking Joe to bring my O2 to me. I stopped and waited like I'm supposed to. Next thing I know, I'm in Joe's arms, caught in a reverse swan dive. He, in his typical multi-tasking mode is trying to get my O2 on my nose, talking to the 911 operator, and keeping me from falling on the floor.

We ended up back at UMMC Emergency Department. I was bitchy to all the nurses and told them, just get Cards2 team here decide what I should do and get me going. It was late. I was exhausted and hungry and scared and I really just wanted to go home; but I wanted to be safe too. We got medical clearance to give it another go. This time I was prepared. I made the ultimate sacrifice: I asked and waited for help.

So I'm prepared to be quiet for the next week. I'll go grocery shopping with Joe lovingly propping me on his arm and I will let him carry in the groceries and put them away. We'll go to the Guthrie tonight, as planned, but we'll trade our great seats for some handicap seating at the top of auditorium. I'll walk slowly and take rest stops. I'll wait to plant my window boxes -- it's supposed to rain all weekend anyway.

Superman would beat Batman.